


Country Love

by bunniebun



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Spoilers, Unresolved Romantic Tension, there is no happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:55:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24119128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunniebun/pseuds/bunniebun
Summary: Spoiler alert:Cloud is delusional, instead of believing he is Zack, he believes he is/was Zack's.This fanfic contains actually most of Crisis Core and FFVII (R/OG)'s plot.
Relationships: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Country Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, do u ever just... wanna break your own heart? 
> 
> English is not my first language! If you see any mistakes, feel free to tell me. it's not beta read.
> 
> p.s it's been a long time ago I played crisis core, so if there are any mistakes plot wise pls correct me.

Cloud wakes up as the sunshine lights up his bedroom, dust visible in the ray of sun, making it look like glitter. Sleepy sand stayed stuck in his blond eyelashes, gluing top and bottom together making it hard for the boy open his eyes, it felt like he has been asleep for years, he groaned and rolled, suddenly embraced against a muscular chest, breathing in the smell of pure love.

“Hey Spikey,” he hears a familiar voice, he nuzzled his face deeper against the heat, not wanting to let go, because eventually, _he has to._

“Wake up, sleepy head.” The same voice sang, melodic and Cloud’s heart calms down hearing it. “Don’ wanna…” Cloud whined, rubbing his face.

“C’mon, we gotta go.” The same voice said, said person pet the blond’s hair, and the blond, leaned into the touch. “God, you’re like a baby chocobo.” Soft voice joked, and Cloud groaned, punching the man softly.

“ ‘m not!” He denies, groaning as the other leaves his side, he opens his eyes and is welcomed by the sight of an empty bedroom, heart breaking.

-

Cloud was only a child when he wanted to become a hero, the news talking about this man named Sephiroth, how amazing he was.

That was the day he decided he knew he was different than all the other children, lame kids who only barked but had no bite. He wanted to be someone, people could depend on, like a, hero.

-

When he told his mother that he’s going to join the SOLDIER program, he knew his mother would be sad to watch her little boy leave his nest at such young age, but he wanted to protect everyone, the ones around him, including his mom.

His beloved mom that always worked so hard for the both of them, his mom that had to watch her husband leave and never return, the same mom he wants to pay back everything she has done for him.

But instead, his mom encouraged him, telling him he is going to do a good job, that he would never let his mom down. Hoping he would return with a nice girlfriend too, someone older and kind, someone to take care of him when he cannot, someone he is going to meet in the future.

_And it will happen, time will tell._

-

He was fourteen years old when he pecks his mom goodbye but promises her that it is not a farewell. When he is a SOLDIER, he will visit her, tell her all about the adventures as a SOLDIER and stories of the people he has saved, becoming their hero. Go she says, make your mom proud.

_He will, is what he believes._

-

When he opens the letter, he could feel his heartbeat thumb in his throat, hands shaking as he fished out that one paper, the same paper that holds his future, his and everyone else’s.

_“Thank you for your application for the position to become a SOLDIER (Elite Fighting Force) of Shinra Electric Power Company, unfortunately we have to inform you that you have not been selected.”_

Time stood still, clock ticking but unheard of, the black ink began to dissolve into the white paper, everything was blurry and his eyes burning painfully, as if needles were stabbing both eyes. His throat dry and swallowing became unpleasant like he has been hiking at the Sahara Desert with no water and nothing to cool him down. He broke down, alone in this, shitty, cheap, dusty room, with no one to comfort him, like he cannot even comfort his dreams to become true.

Hours have passed, he felt numb, the letter long gone from his hands, long forgotten during the times of breaking.

His desire to become a hero, his goals he told everyone about, and the hope he gave his mother, all of them, crushed, by just _one_ fucking letter. Slashed down, like a god damn paper cut.

Exhausted legs carrying the heavy weight of his body, and the burdens on his shoulders. It was time to think about plan B, bed creaking obnoxiously as he threw himself on it, almost lifelessly. It was only 16:00, yet it felt like an eternity has passed, the room dark, since when did he decide to close the curtains?

His stomach began to grumble, but he knew he’s not hungry, if he were to eat something he knew he would throw up right instantly, so instead, he decided to stay in bed, maybe he’ll become one with the shitty blanket, or preferably rot away.

-

Cloud is wiser when he decided on plan B, the letter still offered him a job working for the company, but as a ShinRa infantryman, it was not ideal, it was far from ideal, but what else was he supposed to do? He could not return to his mother, cry on her shoulder for being a burden, peppering her face with apologies, he did not allow to show his mom what kind of disappointment he is. Maybe it was not as bad as it sounds like, he still could be protecting someone, be their hero, that is not a bad thing, right?

-

He was assigned to protect a researcher, so far so good, is what he thought. He was not alone either, that quite relieved him, since he was not assigned to be a SOLDIER, he became unfaithful to his own confidence.

Little did he know, that it was tougher than he expected, he did try to prove his worth, and sure his sword skills were extraordinary for a young teen, hoping that maybe they still got a spot for him in SOLDIER.

Alas, his plan failed.

-

Cloud’s life seems to brighten up when he and a few other infantrymen receive an assignment to a mission, and he gets to meet a SOLDIER, soon to be first-class too. His name is Zack, Zack Fair, the name rolls from his tongue like it belonged there. 

It seemed to go downwards as their helicopter crashed into the cold snow, but luckily, they made it out.

When his blue eyes first studied the young SOLDIER, he could not miss but notice the scar that hugs his sun kissed cheek, Cloud began to wonder if he received that from a battle as a SOLDIER, his heart began to beat faster but he tried to ignore it, blaming his shyness for the unfamiliar feeling that started to grow whenever the SOLDIER came into view.

“C’mon, keep up!” The SOLDIER yells towards the others who were behind them, still recovering from the crash that just happened earlier on yet Cloud was marching next to him, trying to keep his breath intact, do not feel, conceal it, he repeated over and over.

Since he was the only one to keep up with the SOLDIER, it did not leave unremarkable. Zack praises him for it, and Cloud’s face lights up from the attention. “I’m a country-boy _too_.” He confesses, which seemed to interest the young SOLDIER, asking questions about the boy. Cloud admits being from Nibelheim, to which Zack acknowledged and says that he is from Gongaga. The blond boy could not help but burst into a giggle, like he is some crushing schoolgirl.

“Hey what’s so funny?” Zack asks him, feeling betrayed, and Cloud could only reply in banter, both joked around, . Cloud felt a warm heat inside, butterflies in his stomach, it was weird, but the young SOLDIER gave him comfort he has not felt in a long time. Life does become brighter, he believes.

-

Cloud fidget on his bed, he kept thinking about the specific SOLDIER, he has not had this for a long time, he remembers when he was crushing on his childhood neighbour, but she seemed uninterested in him and she was often found with her flock of immature friends.

He wanted to yell, tell his heart to stop making a ruckus in his chest, he is just a SOLDIER, one day you will become like _him_. No need to feel like this, it is going to be okay. He tells himself.

Knock knock

He heard someone knock on his door, interrupting him in his fake slumber. He shuffled from the bed, greeted by the sight of the specific SOLDIER, but this time not wearing his first-class uniform, just casual.

“Hey Spikey!” Zack greets him, Cloud looks confused, but greets him in return, desperately wants to ask the man what he is doing here, but also, what is he doing to him. “Hey.” Cloud says shyly instead.

“Can I come in?” Zack asks, and Cloud nods, welcoming him in his dorm room, it was not ideal, far from ideal, but it was closer to his dream, closer to become a hero. When Zack steps pass him, he could not help but smell the soft body wash of the dark-haired man, he was drowning in the scent.

“What’s up, Zack?” Cloud asks instead, watching the man plop down on his bed, the same bed he sleeps nearly every night, and now this boy, unbelievably attractive boy is in his room, and oh, he realises something terrible.

Cloud is crushing on him.

_He needs a plan C._

-

Zack was telling him about his day, he needed to vent out a bit since he had no one to vent to, and Angeal only would give him advice, and with Angeal missing, he needs someone talk about it — someone that isn’t Kunsel.

Cloud made sure to understand the boy’s problem, being a SOLDIER has many responsibilities, but also, he feels his heart clench knowing that Zack feels comfortable around the other boy. Maybe because they both are country boys, secretly he hopes it is because of something else.

-

One day, Zack confronted the blond boy, about how he has a date with this super cute girl — brown hair, green eyes, epitome of an angel. The SOLDIER explains that he met her way before Cloud, telling him all about how he thought he fell from heaven, and that the girl was an angel straight from the sky. He told her about these beautiful flowers, just as beautiful as her.

You mean, as beautiful as you — Cloud thought.

Zack is certain that she is the one for him, Cloud just smiles but hides the painful throb that is stabbed his heart. How badly he wants to be that angel, but sadly he never was able to reach the sky, _being a Cloud after all._

-

Zack returns back from a mission, another scar marking his prominent cheek. Cloud gasps at the sight and runs op to him, asking him what happened. Zack nearly broke down, trying to keep him from crying — remembering that he is the one that put down his, mentor, father figure, does it even matter now?

Cloud threw his arms around Zack, nuzzling his face in Zack’s neck peppering his eardrum with false promises that everything is gonna be okay. Cloud caresses the new scar on Zack’s jaw with his thumb, they are breathing each other’s air, lips nearly brushing — Cloud wants to close the gap and kiss him, show him how much he loves Zack, but he doesn’t.

The confession of his secret lies on the tip of his tongue, but it never escapes.

“Thanks, Spikey.” Zack tells him, voice hoarse from keeping his throbbing throat in bay.

-

_The next morning, Cloud wakes up from a wet dream. He’s gasping for air and he wants to cry —it felt too real._

-

It’s summer when Zack is sent to Costa del Sol, it’s supposed to be his vacation. One of the turks was sent to watch over him, and Cloud nearly begs his boss to give him a vacation too — whether he desperately needed a vacation or desperately wanted to see Zack. Preferably the latter.

Alas, duty calls. 

-

Cloud’s face lights up at the mention of leaving for Nibelheim, his hometown. Heart began to race at the fantasies of meeting his mom — telling her all about the adventures he has gone through, he hardly can’t wait.

Then, the embarrassment kicks in — the realisation that he never made it in SOLDIER — not even worthy to be a third-class.

He feels a panic attack kick in, trying to calm his breath — inhale, hold it, exhale, hold it.

“Why don’t you put off your helm?” Zack suddenly asks during their travel to Nibelheim, Cloud’s breath shudders, still full of anxiety. “Right” Cloud nods — inhale, hold It, exhale, hold it.

He pulls the helm off, skin immediately consuming being freed from the sweaty prison. His breath has calmed down as well, putting away the mask did feel more than refreshing.

_He’s free._

“Isn’t this your hometown?” Zack asks him, and Cloud feels heat rising to his cheek from receiving the smallest attention from this certain SOLDIER.

“Must be nice,” Sephiroth interrupts, voice stoic as always, showing no emotion — yet it still is gentle, _for now_.

It did make the conversation awkward though, so they tried to gather more information from Sephiroth, and the white-haired SOLDIER explains that he has no hometown.

_Must be sad._

-

Cloud was quick to hide his identity, seeing his childhood friend from far away.

Tifa ran up towards Zack, confusion painting her face as she only gets to see two SOLDIERs, she asks him whether it’s only him and Sephiroth.

“Yeah, just the two of us.”

“Hm — _weird_.”

-

Cloud doesn’t remember much when he opens his eyes — realising he’s in an inn, Zack was sitting on the bed next to him but Cloud could feel that Zack is a changed man. The bright smile whenever he sees the shorter infantryman gone, and it troubled Cloud.

Maybe, Zack was aware of the feelings Cloud has for him, or did something happen? Call him a fool, but he low-key wishes for the last option — if it were an option.

Then Cloud is faced with a memory that he tried to protect his childhood friend but miserably failed to stay conscious, he hates it that he’s weak.

“If only I were SOLDIER…” he nearly sobs out but swallows the dry lump down his throat just like his emotions.

Zack sighs, almost angry, and tells Cloud that SOLDIERs is a den of monsters, he watches how Zack nearly has a break down in front of him — and it aches, especially since he’s unable to help. So he tries to change the subject.

“You know, I’ve never seen you use that sword.” Cloud tries, and Zack seems to be deep in thought, memories of Angeal flooding his mind, but the mood certainly has changed to a brighter setting.

“Thanks, Cloud!” Zack suddenly tells the other, and Cloud does not know for what — but he’s happy to deliver.

-

Cloud watches Zack fall into a deep slumber, how his chest heaves and muscles clench. He’s mesmerised by the sight and wish he could just lie next to him.

-

The next day Zack already left the room, Cloud couldn’t help but feel sad — when he tries to find Zack, he hears the man talk on his phone. The infantryman is curious to know to who, maybe it’ll explain the changing demeanour of Zack.

“I’ll see you, I promise — _Aerith_.” He ends the phone call, and Cloud hides behind the obstacle in front of him. Of course, he has a girl waiting for him.

Oh, the jealousy.

-

“Where’s Sephiroth?” Zack asks, Cloud faces the beautiful man in front of him. “I think he went into an underground passage…” Cloud stutters, before he could tell Zack to be careful, Zack already left.

-

Several days layer it’s Cloud’s day off and he decides to bid his mom a good day.

He knocks on the door, knuckles touching the door that once belonged to him too. “Mom?” he asks, voice quivering. He hears footsteps behind the door. His mother opens the door, she greets him by a tight hug and Cloud sinks into her shoulder.

Cloud sits down on one of the well lived wooden chairs — how he missed the obnoxious creaking noise whenever he sits down for dinner.

“So, what’s it like — being in SOLDIER?” His mother asks, and Cloud swallows the lie. “Um — great — It’s amazing — I got to save so many people.” Who had thought, lying would be so hard?

His mom is beaming with pride, she squeezes one of his cheeks until they turn red from the abuse.

“ _And_?”

“And _what_?”

“Do you have a girlfriend?” She abruptly asks, and Cloud sputters embarrassed.

“Um, no — but…”

His mom gasps, and sits down in front of him and grabs both of her son’s shaking hands.

“ _But_?” She asks carefully.

“—There, is someone.”

Worry paints his mom’s face, and it pains Cloud — One because it is not a girl, and two it’s someone he’ll never have.

“She’s, amazing.” He lies, cringing at how he has to change the pronouns, it’ll make the stab less painful for his mom, he doubts. His mom gives him the affection he needs, caressing his back in soft motions.

“But he has someone else.”

Shit

“I mean—”

“—It’s okay, Cloud.” His mom assures him. “You’re still my son, so I don’t care if it’s a he or a she.”

Cloud just sobs on her shoulder, throat burning and eyes prickling. He wonders if his mom would still love him if he were to confess not being a SOLDIER, at all?

“There, there… I’m sure you’ll find someone else.”

But Cloud doesn’t want someone else, he _wants_ Zack.

“Why don’t you take a nap in your room?” His mom asks, and Cloud nods — he’s feeling quite weak, maybe it’s the result of crying out his emotions was quite relieving but so tiring.

Cloud decides to take a nap like his mother asks him to. He opens the door and is greeted by the sight that he woke up to every single day as a child, it’s the same just like when he left — his heart clenches from it.

-

When he wakes up, he’s woken up with an uncomfortable heat, the smell of wood burning, tasting the bite of smoke, and muffled yells is something that alerts the infantryman to run towards the door.

Smoke escapes from his door as soon as he opens it — mom — his adrenaline is jumping to 200%, not caring about the heat and the pain, as if he forgot all about safety, he’s in overdrive. 

He jumps down the stairs, crashing doors, searching for his mom — who eventually was lying lifelessly on the wooden floor.

No, no — oh God, please, no!

He runs up to her— immediately dropping, not caring about the hard blow on his knees. He began to try to shake his mom awake. “Please—wake up!” he cries, holding her face, body, he tries to carry her outside, but he’s not strong enough.

_Pathetic_

Cloud lost himself — drowning in agonising pain. He lets his mom go, as if the nature of this old creaky house is calling for her.

The intoxicating smoke is driving him insane; he lost his wariness and lucidity long gone. His mom suddenly feels much lighter in his arms — it’s time to save her. He threw her over his shoulder, relief calmed his body and he begins to carry his mom towards the safe surface outside.

As soon as he opens the door, his sight begins to lose its consciousness — everything was spinning around him as he falls on the sandy concrete.

“Mom?” He whispers once again, whipping his head towards his mom should have been, but is welcomed by the sight of nothing, just his house burning. “Mom!?” He screams — where the fuck is his mom?

He suddenly is faced with the vision of Sephiroth through the heating blaze — looking insane as ever, this is not the same man.

And everything becomes black.

-

“Cloud!?” He hears a familiar voice, but it sounds like he’s underwater. Zack? He tries, but nothing comes out. He has to warn Zack, he must. He tries to pull all the strings in his unconsciousness, screaming the name of the man who burned everything down over and over, he screams, yells, and cries.

But all that comes out is a whisper.

“…ephiroth…”

And it’s more than enough for Zack to understand.

-

It must be a dream, right? Sephiroth didn’t lose his mind — Nibelheim is okay, mom is okay, everyone is… _right?_

Cloud regains his consciousness, feeling tears seep from his cheeks and wipes it off. Everything is still burning, this is the hard reality.

_Why would Sephiroth do this?_

Fury sets his heart on fire, teeth clenching between sobs. It’s time to change this. Cloud took everything he could when he fought to stand up — legs still wobbly, and anxiety colouring his system.

Zack is still with Sephiroth, and he must save Zack.

His legs carried him to the reactor — he stumbled once or twice but was quick to stand up and run.

_I don’t care if I’m weak, if I’m not qualified enough to be a SOLDIER. I’ll take whatever it takes to bring you down Sephiroth._

-

When he arrived at the reactor — his eyes focused on a specific girl lying down. It’s Tifa, he gasps in shock as he runs towards her, carrying her to safety. She doesn’t know who I am, and that’s fine with Cloud. His heart belongs to someone else now.

Then he finds Zack, lying unconscious on the stairs. He runs towards the man and drops to his knees, cradling his face with his hands. “Zack…” He sniffles, the SOLDIER didn’t respond, he was pliant in Cloud’s putty hands. If only, Cloud could kiss him, but he refuses.

He felt anger take over his body — seeing the love of his life senseless on these crappy stairs, and how his mother — his sweet mother, was taken by the deadly kisses of ifrit himself. Red is the colour he sees, and he sneaks in Jenova’s chamber.

He heaves as he pulls out Zack’s beloved buster sword, how delicate the SOLDIER treated this sword — please lend me your strength.

He runs into Sephiroth, impaling him with Zack’s own pride.

“What about MY mother!? All the other people!?” He cries, and Sephiroth has the audacity to laugh. “Bastard!” He yells out of his carbon monoxide filled lungs, it’s painful but not as deadly as this man.

-

Believing he has killed Sephiroth, he runs back towards the SOLDIER. “Zack!” He yells, hugging the male’s bigger body. “…Cloud?” He hears a faint whisper, and his heart skips a beat. “I’m here.” Cloud replies, taking Zack’s hand.

_I love you_

Is what he desperately wants to say, but he can’t — not yet.

Zack gasps in shock, his eyes are focused on something behind Cloud. “Strike him down, Cloud.” He tells the boy, Cloud doesn’t hesitate and takes Zack’s buster sword. He’ll do everything for love.

-

Little did he know, he would get impaled by the end of Sephiroth’s sword Masamune — a beautiful sword for a terrible master.

The pain bursting through his organs and his skin is on fire, but he's able to make it through. He found a way to throw Sephiroth off him, resulting to a terrible crash and a fall from several hundred meters down.

The most painful part about it is when he crawls towards Zack, pained, bruised, and severely wounded, it is nothing compared to a broken heart. Nevertheless, it became his addiction, Zack made him feel things he never felt before, whether it’s painful or not, he consumes it like a mad man.

They both pass out. 

**Author's Note:**

> i have many plans 
> 
> still not sure whether i want it to be an one shot or maybe upload in chapters, but i'll see in the future
> 
> also! I'm thinking of making this a two ending fanfic, crisis core ending or maybe remake ending, Zack might be alive? 
> 
> to kill him off in my fanfic or not...


End file.
